Friday, February 26, 2016

Reunion

Hyde
The house of Mars and Hyde stands not quite alone on its street, but apart, on a gentle incline with trees boughing in on either side, buttressed over the sharp peaks of the little Victorian style house on the hill.  It is a little weathered, this house: could use a new coat of paint, shows its age in a couple of spots, but the jagged wooden frills that line the roof and the overhanging porch and the windows still give it elegance.  It's evening, and the curtains are drawn over all the windows, though through one of the upstairs ones (two neat half moons that sit together like a pair of stone rimmed eyes), their visitor can see candlelight through the gauze.

On the peak that forms at the center of the porch roof, a metal rooster is perched, and it is a fiercer thing than most metal roosters: it has spurs, see, and a hood of sharp feathers, and one of its claws is raised like it'd gut every other metal rooster that ever perched on a soft country house.

Denver is middling warm today, and the ground is mush in a way that indicates that spring might just be around the corner (though the wise know that this never indicates that winter is over; it never is, until it's over.)  There's a car parked in front of the garage, which is open, which looks rather empty inside other than a bike chained to the wall, a Canon the color of gunmetal, aged but still untarnished in a way that means it has been lovingly taken apart and reassembled.

Brick frames a few dirt plots in front of the house.  They show signs of having been worked recently.

Two beer bottles, empty, sit on the porch table, beside which are two lone chairs.  It's too cold to sit out today; a few days ago it was warmer.  Here, there's a brass knocker (plain, no rooster or gargoyle shapes here), and the door is painted a sharp red, newer than the rest of the house's paint.  There is a mat in front of the door.  It does not say welcome.

Giametti
Denver is middling warm, for Denver, which is to say that it is on the tolerable side of cold for anyone who was born or raised in more temperate climes.  A hired car stops, a little away from the house on the hill.  It is a dark sedan of a particular stature, and the woman who climbs out of the back seat -- door held open for her by an anonymous driver -- seems quite familiar with this arrangement.  As the driver moves to open the trunk and hand over her satchel, Arianna smooths and resettles the woolen fabric of her coat.  It is a deep colour, aubergine, rich enough to play up the light grass-green of her eyes.

Some words are exchanged, but from this distance they remain equally unfathomable to the esteemed investigators of Hyde and Mars.  The driver climbs back in; the car moves away.  It has rounded the corner at the edge of the street before she turns and begins her ascent.

She has not been followed.

The details of their home -- plots in the front yard, a truly fearsome guardian Chicken-beast, the bric-a-brac ornamentation -- bring a curl to her mouth and a gladness to her heart.  Ari mounts the steps quickly; ignores the lack of welcome to the mat and raps, clearly (resoundingly) upon the front door.

Surely there is a "No Solicitors" sign. "Be ware of ____", perhaps, where the specifics of the warning have been lost to the fickle hands of time.  Neither of these would apply.  She has not (quite yet) been invited, but she is (likely) always welcome.

Ari resettles the strap of her bag on her shoulder. She shifts a little from foot to foot.  Resists the overwhelming urge to peek through windows. And, belatedly, remembers that failing to call ahead might win her a long, cold wait in one of the porch chairs.

She knocks again.  For good measure.

Hyde
There is a knock.

There are two knocks.

"Is it an abuse of power to Ward against the Mormons?"  It would be the second time this week.  It's getting late in the night, but it wouldn't be the first time he has seen the fresh faced white boys with their military style haircuts appear on the porch after dusk.

He does not wait for an answer from Pen, who is in her study just next door to his.  There is the roll and rattle of Nick's office chair being pushed back, and he curves around the narrow (old) hallway, down the narrow (old) stair, and to the front door.  He's familiar enough to Arianna that perhaps she can feel his approach even before he answers, because his sanctity has seeped into the floorboards of the house and bled into the paint, and Nicholas is in the church steeple bow of the tree limbs over the house, and in the hushed quiet of the fields beyond.

Nick answers the door - he doesn't quite fling it open, but it is opened with purpose, because he is expecting to have to usher someone off of his front porch in about thirty seconds.  His hair has grown wild since Ari saw him last, dark spirals that curl and twist over his forehead and around his ears and at the base of his neck.  The thick knit dark gray sweater he is wearing seems to lend him more bulk than he actually has: appropriate, for scaring kids off his steps.

He freezes when he sees Ari, and blinks with his hand still on the doorknob, and seconds later his laughter carries up the stairs to Pen.  "Whatareyouevendoinghere?"  Ari probably doesn't get a chance to reply; she is being crushed into his fluffy sweater for a few seconds before he draws back, his hand still on her shoulder, and yells back, "Pen!  Come downstairs!"

Mars
Pen does not answer Nicholas. Her study door has been closed this last hour and she herself esconced. Music was playing, for a time, but she forgot to put the playlist on repeat and it has dwindled. The study is a work in progress: a broad table, with three braziers of varying metals, an old mailing room's desk turned curio cabinet little glass-set wooden doors here and there heavy against the wall with books shoved in some of the squares and in others objects worthy of curiosity. The broad table is a craftsman's table and it can be used as a desk. Pen has a laptop because everybody has a laptop this isn't the dark ages. Pen is not good with her laptop, but she went to university and she knows how to use it to connect to the internet and write. The laptop is underneath a pile of turpentine-stained, fire-scorched towels, just beside a smear of coal. There are an alarming number of coal smears on the floor right now, crumbs of broken things. A rug, too. A glass book open on the floor about brewing one's own mead. A sword, carelessly unsheathed, right where careless somebody's might trip on it, and a dummy overturned.

Pen is bathed in light. The kind of light which has been conjured from the Sun, see: which kicks right up off her messy muddled mop of red red red dragon's heart hair, which gives her flowy knee-length white -- gown? Dress? Boho-as-Hell-Renaissance-faire thing? Robe? -- article of clothing something of a radiant halo. It is a threadbare article of clothing, which some neatly mended tears and some gone unmended. She is bathed in light because:

three artist's lamps, beaming down on her craftstable. Pen has a stool. Pen has a comfortable chair, too, there in the corner. But Pen is standing, eyebrows lowered a slash of intense concentration, and carefully, carefully, oh so so carefully, she is tweezing out a square of gold foil while doing careful work with a tinytiny miniver brush on this piece of wood. The liquid (eggy) concoction she is brushing out is the consistency of the center of a Cadbury egg, and close to it in color. How it damps the shine of the gold is remarkable, and then: then -

(Nicholas's laughter reaches her. Focus, focus.)

- there. Lay it down.

"What? Yes. Whither. Soon! Subscriptions, certainly!"

Giametti
In that brief, frozen moment while Nicholas parses the absurdity of her re-entry into their lives, Arianna's smile broadens and becomes a luminous thing.  There is mischeif in the glint of her eyes, but the kind of mischeif that pulls one in in confidence and fellowship.  Together, they three are never far from an adventure, or a clever turn of phrase, or glorious tales of bygone times retold in expansive embellishment with merciless ribbing for those absent and (or) dear.

He crushes her in; her arms enfold him.  She laughs and manages, "I bring glad tidings and presents!" before she is released.  In this nearness, and in the hollow (hallowed) of his call and response with Penelope, the echo of his resonance washes over her.  He is here in the floorboards; he has seeped into the paint; he is in the steepling of limbs over head and the expanse of frozen land surrounding them.

And, well, she brings a present. The others have been sent ahead.  Letters for Pen, and something more substantial for Nick. The last gift that she carries with her, secreted in her pack, is a very nice (old) bottle of single malt scotch.

"Your hair; it's so long!"  She hush-exclaims into the quiet as they wait for Pen's reply.  She ruffles it with her fingertips; scrunches her nose with amusement.  She is ever the same: the sense of shifting starlight; of something brilliant that cannot be caught fast or held; like a clever wonder wrapped in riddles. (Sphynx-like. [Shifty.])

"I love the house," she tells him.  She hasn't even seen it.  "It's perfect.  So you, and yet so Pen --" a pause, here, and then she pitches her voice louder.  Repeats the name: "Pen! Halloo.  Are you in there?  Has the house swallowed you whole?  Are you in desperate need of rescuing?"  She mock-calls into the entryway; voice carrying up the stairs on the heels of Nick's laughter.  It, too, rings with merriment.

Hyde
It may strike Ari the longer the Chakravanti stands in front of her how much better he looks, as compared to the man he was for the greater part of last year: there is a flush of color along his high cheekbones and his eyes are the lively, expressive things they were before he returned from oversea at around this time last winter verging into spring.  Right now the skin around the corners of his eyes is crinkled; he is amused (beyond amused: overwhelmed with joy at his friend's sudden appearance, though this is less apparent) and has caught a whiff of her sense of mischief.

She touches his hair, and Nick glances up at one of the rings that hangs just above his eyebrows.  He has grown it out partly because there is less risk that one of his clients will try to grab it in his current job, and it is fully his to do with as he wishes now.  "I haven't felt like cutting it."

Ari tells him that she loves the house and he steps aside as she calls in, up the stairs to Pen.  Nick laughs again, then.  "She's been pretty hard at work upstairs lately."  Then, again up the stairs, "Pen!  Ari is here!"

He gently ushers Ari inside with one hand on the small of her back, stepping to the side to allow her to step past him through the doorway and into the main room.  The lights are mostly off, other than the one right here at the doorway: still, it reflects off the burnt orange of the walls, the warm dark wood of the floorboards, and it glows, the color resplendent.  To Ari: "What made you decide that today was the day?"  Beat.  "I'm so happy to see you."

Mars
Silence from above.

And, listen, it is as of the silence between one movement (Symphonic) and the next, the hush before the --

Here it is. Pen is often a creature of composure, gloaming settling on a witchery of water, intent and intensely drawn young woman who might conjure fire or men into pigs or; Pen. They both know Pen to respond to a surprise with quiet pleasure (or displeasure; reserve goes both ways), keeping herself in check and restrained. Tonight: well. Here it is.

One does not crash when one is not wearing shoes, although one should, given one's predilection for naked melée weaponry, burnishing stones (hematite is the best, and she dropped one earlier), charcoal crumbs and Pen comes bounding down the stairs, practically falling down them really thanks a lot gravity oh there's an idea for an Effect must find the right ritual or make it up, bound bound bound oh hello Nicholas she she places her hands one on either of his shoulders and bounces twice up behind Nick -

"Arianna, Arianna! Delight, my heart!" - she is pleased and laughing, of course and then a third time for good measure - "Come in! Come in come in!" -  and then uses him as a springboard to fling herself onto Arianna, wrapping her up immediately into a (passionate [lakes are deep, see: they do lead to fairyland]) HUG.

Mine! Yes! Yay!

Giametti
There are old laws, old old older than the dirt beneath this house, older than the words that shape the languages they speak, old old old as time (and possibly older) laws that bind some segment of her Awakened soul to etiquettes long since abandoned and rarely, these days, understood.  Nicholas places his hand in the small of her back; he leads her across the threshold.  There is a bargaining here, an evaluating of the finer strictures of a rule.  Hush, hush -- she holds her breath as they step across the threshold; she hopes.

Come in come in come in -- Pen spares her, at the very last moment, thrice-spoken and thus wrought.  She exhales when they both make through the gateway. She is unprepared for an incoming Pen.

Some alarmed and off-guard sound erupts from the slightly smaller woman, sequeing immediately into more laughter. She crushes Penelope in an equally tight hug; holding her tightly.  When one arm does break free, it is only to reach over and pull Nick into the fray by one arm, until they are a still-standing (for now) tangle of limbs and reunion.  From the middle of this, muffled by the proximity of Penelope's shoulder to Arianna's mouth, eventually comes:

"I've missed you two, like a moon misses the stars.  Say you are well; truly?"

This is kept quieter, in counterpoint to the raucous greeting she has received. Spoken carefully. With warmth and concern; with love, as well as Arianna knows it. This place already feels strongly of home.  She does not yet release them, or seek to wriggle free.

Hyde
It's not difficult to pull Nick back into the tangle of limbs; he was already hovering there, just past the two of them as they embraced, and he easily encircles the both of them, tilting his head against Pen's even as he pulls Ari into his side.

There are reunions that, even when they come after only a few months, feel somehow longer than that; time is an odd thing, in that human experience and emotion can alter its perception, to the point it's little wonder how people like the three of them are able to push and pull and manipulate its patterns.  Time seems to move more quickly when people who are dear are also far away and beyond reach.

"Truly," Nick says, and if he has taken half a step back it's only so he can look at Ari as he speaks with her, though he still keeps his hands there, one on the side of Ari's shoulder and one arm around Pen.  "Everything is bigger here except for the chantry."

Nick is not disapproving.  Perhaps a smaller Awakened community, more closely knit, is something he has wanted all this time.

Mars
Pen will never be satisfied. But:

there is something satisfying, bone deep, about one of one's best friends returning, successfully pouncing them, and being enfolded see by that best friend and the other most best beloved. Paint this picture with poignancy and reverence, make them glow, burnished in the burnt orange room just touched by one light and the shadows all around -- they aren't frightening shadows. They're mysterious, dark night of the soul shadows. They're the kind that exist only to highlight.

So: ee, Arianna is hugging her too, Arianna is real, right here, real and here, and wouldn't it be fun to sway this way, and then that way, and see if they'll all be overbalanced? Wouldn't that be the best expression of adoration and pleasure? Of devotion to the quicksilver flick-flame of excitement? Why yes it would. "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm."  Arianna is real and Nicholas too and Ari at her shoulder and Pen burying herself so and dear god she really is going to knock them all three over with the recklessness of how firmly she has abandoned her restraint. Dig-in chin, and then she kisses Ari's cheek.

Would Arianna like to breathe, perchance?

Pen looses her hold at long last; it has not been so long, but it feels it. She tugs on Nicholas's sleeve (DO YOU SEE THAT ARIANNA IS HERE NICHOLAS) and keeps her hand on Arianna's shoulder no lets her hand slide down Arianna's arm so she can take her hand instead and twine fingers and smile. Broad. Pleased. Pleased as punch where punch is just about the pleasedest anything has ever been.

Nick is not disapproving; Nick is also informative. "How could we be anything but well when Arianna has surprised us on our doorstep and likened us to starlight; and when," here, a quick grin for Nick; somewhat arch, "everything is bigger. Except for the scotch glasses; those remain, alas, the exact same size. Are you staying with us?"

Giametti
So it begins: the Denver chronicle.  Nick's hand on her shoulder, Pen's fingers twined with hers; the knot of her hair beginning to unspiral and tumble, the watchful reverence of the house around them.  It is a good beginning, quite possibly the best as far as beginnings go.  Enfolded in warmth; welcomed.

"Everything is bigger... except the Chantry?" Oh, ever the Hermetic she is. This is as if Nick has said that everything is bigger, except the Every Thing That Matters.  As if the words might curlicue up to mark their own punctuation. But, never mind that, that is a tomorrow problem, a not now thing a --

"I brought scotch," she announces but makes no move just yet to pull the cylindrical sleeve and its precious contents from her bag, which has survived the hugging and squishing quite respectably (might be enchanted [may be practiced]).  "And I might," she answers without answering. "Or I mightn't.  I didn't know -- I have a room, somewhere. Ah," her free hand digs into the pocket of her coat, pulls out a slip of paper, torn so that the hotel name and address are all that show. It is most notably not of her own writing, scrawled, indelicate (sloppy). "Here." This is handed to Pen, or to Nick -- held out. Whomever claims it first gets it.

"I didn't want to impose."  She explained, leveraging manners of a sort.  They are odd and misplaced to the times.  "But then I couldn't wait to see you."

Hyde
"I'm glad you came here without worrying about the room first," Nick says, and his tone is warm as he straightens back.  The scotch, he will allow Pen to take, and if he suspects he is about to spend the second night in a row drunk, well, at least he will be with these two.  "We have a spare."

Which they do: the rueful tilt of his brow as he glances up the stairwell indicates that the orderliness of such a room may be in doubt, however.

Nick is drawing the other two farther into the house, half a foot by half a foot.  Then, "Pen!  We should have a fire," and Nick is still very enchanted by the idea of having fires, and by having people over in a house that they have together to have a fire.  And he looks back at Ari again, his eyebrows and mouth touched with dry amusement. "And maybe show Ari around, I guess."

Mars
Pen accepts the scotch with all due gravity, circling the neck of the bottle with her thumb and forefinger, allowing its weight to rest against her palm and wrist. The paper with the hotel writ on it; well, she'll tilt her head to read it still in Arianna's hand (or in Nick's) rather than take it, the reading cursory. Her pale half-gown half-smock diaphanous Romantic robe-thing doesn't have pockets.

"Do you want to be shown around the heap of mess and disorganization, Ari; or would you rather cosy in around a fire, speaking to Nicholas and myself of adventures great and adventures small, sharing news of those to the East? Whilst drinking scotch?"

"Crow," and she is so fond: it's a sharp swipe of fondness in her voice, something that could draw blood not on purpose but she just loves Nicholas so much you see finds his enchantment enchanting and amusing; "you should learn how to conjure fire." And it seems she is going to expand on that thought, when -

Nope. "Oh! Oh, Ari. I do want to hear about the Convocation; surely it wasn't all boring tedium? Would you like to see the kitchen? The kitchen is where we eat since the dining area is ... well it is for books, not for eating. One can eat there, but the table is books right now. I would apologize in another universe, one in which I apologize for stupid things, but as we are in this universe, I can only shrug. Like so."

Shrug, shrug. Flick-fire switch: "Oh, are you hungry?"

Because she's been traveling.

And timezones.

And and -

Giametti
"One must never apologize for having many books," she says.  Not too many books, though, because too many books is a ridiculous thing to say. There is simply no thing as too many when it comes to books.  Or tomes. But scrolls -- they are finnicky to store, so, one could have too many scrolls, in theory, but in practice it wasn't all that likely.

"I would --"  Nicholas had suggested something, which had slid into Penelope asking her a question which had resolved itself, without her input, in half-foot-by-half-foot wanderings into and through their home.

"It's beautiful," she tells them, in response to exactly nothing. About the house, or maybe specifically the kitchen, though now again more likely of the library to dine by. Unclear, the specifics of it hardly matter.  "A fire sounds lovely. I would, I would really like a fire and I do not mind who conjures it..."

The smile hasn't faded, hasn't budged an inch. The laughter still clings to the faint crows-feet creases around her eyes.  Its tucked into the wrinkling of the bridge of her nose.

"And a sandwich, and likewise I do not mind who conjures that -- or I can cook," she adds, which is less of an active threat that it might seem.  Of all the domestic arts, cooking seems the only one that has stuck in the slightest, and possibly only because it involved fire, and food, and occasionally wine.

The Convocation is left for another moment, or possibly another day.  Word from the East -- snowing; cold; tempestuous (Why, yes, I do mean Rob) -- shall be delivered in due time, with apt imitations and the careful pitching of her voice in ways that might some most irked or irksome (knave! [rogue!]).

And-- and-- At long last, she breathes in again.  It feels like the first time since she crossed their threshold and got crushed into an embrace.  When Arianna breathes out, something in her shoulders settles.  She is real, as Pen has observed and insisted, and ever more present.  She has not fallen away to smoke and silences.

"Ah--no! I know! Let's make popcorn!" The quest for sandwich is forgotten in favor of a treat unbecoming of Hermetics cloistered away for convocation. "The better for stories..."

Giametti
[Edit: .... pitching of her voice that might *seem most ...]

Hyde
"I should learn to conjure fire spirits," Nick says, and his voice too is fond, though perhaps also contemplative; this, the conjuring, is a pursuit that has been absorbing him lately.  It was something of an oversight in his training.

And and and.  Nicholas listens to the two of them, their back and forth, and the expression on his face is far away and it carries this very specific kind of serenity: the kind when you pass the threshold into your home after a long time away and breathe in all of those familiar smells again for the first time in a long time.

Words swirl around the three of them: Convocation, talk of books and stories and food.  "We have popcorn," he says, and because stories seem to have been what was decided on, he leans over to turn on one of the lamps in this main room - behold, light!

The main room, once more fully revealed, is also for books, but also for people, particularly while they sit there reading books.  The furniture is not especially new, the fabric not especially rich, but it has good bones and it's comfortable.  Paintings of red and gold and brown are hung on the walls; on one of the opposite walls: a photo of a tree in a field, captured at a point where morning fog was thickest; it is stark and black and white and seems ethereal.  Below that, there is a small fountain which is off at the moment, water that would usually be whispering in and amongst the rocks.  The stone hearth is on the far end.

Nick disappears into the kitchen, then, for popcorn.  And for scotch glasses.

Mars
[But first, let's roll ourselves a fire. -1 appropriate resonance, -1 using an unnecessary instrument, and willpower. Because, hello.]

Dice: 3 d10 TN5 (1, 1, 6) ( success x 2 ) [WP]

Mars
[You just stay away, 1s.]

Mars
I should learn to conjure fire spirits. "Or - and!" The and is the concession. " - to conjure golden flame itself," Pen slips in, neatly: quick as a fin, rilling the surface of a river, a kingfisher darting in and no more fin.

Now, inside main room (and it will have a name, knowing Pen. Robin Anton was the one who couldn't keep from nicknaming everybody, everything. But Pen likes names for places, names for home. Her apartment back in New London or whatever Connecticut city she'd roosted was called the Rookery, which was shortened from the Rookery by Crookery, in a nod to the somewhat shady fashion she came to be a tenant in that place. Thanks, Evelyn. Without a favor or three from him, rent would be so much more difficult) the stone hearth is an iron woodstove of elegant lines a black little thing with a twelve-petaled flower at the center of the door. Penelope opens it and this is a House of Wizards. She invokes (commands), twisting Enochian around Ancient Greek, a phrase as spare as any fragment of Sappho -

and there is fire. There is already wood; she checked. Poke, poke. Glow, glow. Embers, burn, ardent, resplendent.

The picture above the hearthplace is a print by Remedios Varo. Beside that, in a silver gilt frame (constructed by hand, of course), a painting Penelope did of Nick. You wouldn't know it if you didn't know him or them. There's a feather, stuck to it. Somewhere in the house is an illustration she did of the old cabal, some surrealist's representation of them. Maybe it is hanging, maybe it is not. There's also a framed poem.

No photographs of people. Not in the main room: not that she put there, at any rate. A hand-cast statue, maybe five inches tall, of a stag; silver. To hold a pair of pokers obviously there is a fireplace knight, about yea high.

After the fire is conjured, Pen turns on the (dirty; yeah, this place could use a scrubbing) soles of her feet, then comes out of the crouch and where is Arianna is Arianna already sitting on the couch is Arianna looking at the books or some of the art is Arianna in the kitchen here is where Arianna is:

being, much less dramatically but still, pounced by a Penelope Sylvia Mercury Mars (and various other names, not to mention titles), who hooks her arm through Arianna's and has her sit then rests her head on her shoulder and closes her eyes and hums. Affection, affection.

Giametti
They move through the house in eddies and whorls of movements. Nick splits off to head for the kitchen.  Penelope flings her Will across the room; fire is born.  All the while Ari is undoing the buttons of her coat and smiling, taking in the broad strokes of the settings as they pass through.  She rests her bag against one foot of an armchair, shrugs out of the coat and drapes it over one arm.  One cuff hangs low to drag against the dirty floor; she doesn't seem to notice or care.

When Pen turns to find her, here is where Arianna is: seated on the sofa, one foot tucked under her knee, leaned against the couch arm, cavalierly, comfortably, as if she were quiet already at home. Head in hand, elbow on the back of the couch, watching but still not yet quite parsing the pouncing until it is upon her.

Laughter, again, comes from her in ripples.  An overloud (dramatic [for show]) buss placed on Penelope's crown -- affection, affection -- as they settle to something quieter and tumbled together.

"So... Denver?" she asks, into the ruddy locks of Penelope's hair, watching the ardent dance of Penelope's fire-work.  Ari lifts her chin enough to look over, toward the kitchen, from whence Nick must soon enter.

Hyde
Nick is perhaps taking a bit longer than expected in the kitchen; he is still figuring out the layout of the kitchen and where everything is stored away.  Pen got to the house before he did and had the opportunity to place everything in the cabinets first, and it is not where Nick would have placed it, and so it is likely that things will be moved and shuffled around for some time until the two of them can settle on some sort of compromise, some place where things fit and ought to be.

The oil is heating the kernels when Nick emerges, briefly, to hand both Ari and Pen each a tumbler of the scotch that Ari brought for them.  He stops as he passes through the archway, one foot past the threshold, and smiles at the sight of the two of them there together on the couch.

His steps barely give him away as he passes over the floorboards; his feet too are bare, and soft-soled, and so quiet it may sometimes be hard to believe he touches the floor.  He leans over the back of the couch to hold the tumblers in front of each of them.  "I'll be right back," he says again once they have taken their glasses, and he takes this moment too to ruffle a hand over Ari's hair even as he leans around to Pen's side to place a kiss on her cheek.

Then, back into the kitchen, and he hurries now because there is the pang-pang-pang gunrattle sound of corn popping.

Mars
"Denver. The Mile High City. An Ys, forever triumphal and undrowned. Old West Denver. All cowboys, all the hard left-behinds and wake-dragged wonderers of a gold rush," Penelope says, and her head is still on Arianna's shoulder. It is just comfortable, in a way she has missed. Penelope is a warm-hearted young woman, but physical affection like this is reserved (always, this reserve; this steadying control to counterbalance the overwhelming impulsive sensibility that would guide her to dare-to-much) for only those few.

Her eyes are still closed. Nicholas is good at whispering in and whispering out again. After she opens her eyes to take her tumbler of scotch, after he kisses her cheek, she looks over her shoulder and reaches for him, but he's already back to tend the popcorn. Good man. Penelope would burn the popcorn and then be distressed. She is often distressed by waste and many of her habits were formed with an eye to reuse to cut down on to scrimp to save to make last etcetera. "Ari, it is certainly an interesting city."

Honesty compels her. Like usual. "I don't know whether you'll loathe it or like it a lot."

Giametti
"Grazie."  This is for Nick, whose eyes Arianna meets just long enough to pass along some less tangible expression of her affection than that which Penelope Mercury Mars is enveloped in.  The fingers of one hand wrap around the tumble, securing its precious cargo with well-practiced ease.  The fingers of her other hand thread through Penelope's hair in the wake of Nick's retreat.

And yes, the bridge of her nose wrinkles in pleased appreciation of the ruffling of her own.  This sort of tangible, palpable friendship is not something Arianna enjoyed in her youth.  This puppy pile approach to kinship came later, much later; it is treasured, even prized.

When Pen runs herself out on historical facts-and-fictions and declares Denver to be an interesting city, Ari's eyebrows arch up -- disbelievingly -- only to drop again with the next assertion.

"Probably more than a little of both,"  she cedes, fairly. Ari rolls one shoulder into a small shrug.  Eyes the tumbler, amber gleaming in the firelight but still left un-drunk.  She is waiting for Nicholas; formalities, see! She is waiting to toast to togetherness! frienship! even To Denver!

Hyde
From the kitchen, there is more clattering and shuffling: the rattle of a bowl being set down on the counter, the rainfall pattering sound of popcorn hitting the inside, and then whatever Nick is doing as he moves around in the kitchen before bringing it back out.  The popcorn that is in the bowl is reddish from some concoction that is more sriracha than butter, dotted with spice.

Nick, who cast aside his old man sweater while handling hot oil, leans between the two of them, far far over, to place the bowl on the coffee table in front of them.  He has his tumbler in his other hand, and he is expert here at balancing them while not falling over the other two.

As soon as he has done this, he eyes the two of them for a moment, then pushes himself up and over the back of the couch to collapse onto the cushion at Pen's side.  Somehow scotch does not go everywhere, and Nick takes a triumphant sip as soon as he has landed, his hair thick and shining as a crow's wing as it obscures part of his face when he dips his head.  He tucks his knees in against his stomach, leaning into Pen.  Beneath the sweater he has only an unadorned light blue T-shirt, and he wants the warmth of both Pen and the fire (one and the same.)

"There aren't many Adepts here to hang over your head.  Very little of chantry politics, from what I can see.  It's kind of refreshing," is Nick's contribution.

Mars
Ari's fingers threading through Pen's hair is another pleasure. Pen likes it when (select few) people play with her hair. She goes very still, and there's practically no chance that she'll move from Ari's shoulder now.

Practically no chance, thy name is Nicholas Hyde. Pen straightens (somewhat, not much; she is still leaned, just not languishing) her head, careful of the scotch which must tremble at the addition of another person to the couch, and then Penelope twists herself so she has one leg behind Nicholas one leg under his and she is lying 'cross Arianna's lap. There.

But wait; does she want to lie across Nick's lap and put her legs on Ari's, the better to see Ari's face? These are considerations to mull, but for now: so she is, stretched and cuddled and pleased with herself for having masterfully executed the stretch which has brought her so.

She regards the popcorn with interest, of course. But not that much interest, not yet.

"It's not that different," Pen says, the implication being there are still politics. "At least I have not found it to be so. More wanh wanh wanhhh," that old familiar Old West refrain, high noon, long shadows; desert, wilderness, individuals pitting against other individuals, lawlessness, etcetera; she echoes it almost lazily. The hand not holding the tumbler of Scotch sketches some crazy spider ballet in the air.

A tumbleweed, naturally.

Giametti
First Nick comes bearing scotch, and then Nick comes bearing popcorn, and all of this reminds her why Nick and Pen are among her most favourite people.  There are so few Awakened with whom she might tumble on the couch and share stories with over the pairing of popcorn and very expensive alcohol.

He's no more set down the bowl when her hand darts forward, captures a handful of the spice-laced kernels and they are almost thoughtlessly crammed into her mouth, post-haste, no manners when it comes to popcorn, when -- the progress of her hand halts and she peers into its grasp with a curious expression.  There is... there is something odd about this popcorn, even in the light of the fire.  But it is forgotten as he sticks the landing, spares the scotch and settles against Pen.  She lifts her tumbler and also her chin toward him in salute.

Re: popcorn -- No matter! Onward! Into her mouth the popcorn goes.  Predictably, the Sriracha catches her off guard and "Hah--" eyes widen, "Hmmm" then press shut.  A little cough; a smirk; a nod of approval.  Snacks that fight back are fitting; it's only fair.

Re: Denver, and Penelope strewn across her lap and, and, and...

"Is that the technical term for it?" she inquires. Repeats the sound that Penelope has sung (wanh wanh waaannnhhh, was it?).  "How do you spell it? You know... for my notes." This offhand remark is punctuated by a clever glance thrown to Nick, and then, finally, a sip of her scotch.

Hyde
Ari has seen this look before, the glint of conspiracy in Nick's eyes.  His sense of humor is still quite intact after this time gone by.  Ari perhaps understands this: there are few circumstances that he does not bring some element of playfulness to, and few subjects outside the bounds of acceptable material to joke about in one way or another.  Most people would miss it, but not Ari.

He shifts as Pen adjusts herself, drapes an arm and hand over the leg she has thrown around him, and balances his scotch on his knee.  He also has not yet reached for the popcorn (though the slight redness there around his mouth, where the skin is probably still tingling, indicates that perhaps he was already doing a sample test before he brought it out from the kitchen).

"Well, you had a more political meeting than I did," Nick points out to Pen, even as Ari teases her about her choice of words.  "We do have plenty of cowboys set to ride off into the sunset though.  Less intrigue.  And the dinner parties are calmer."

Mars
"You use musical notation." Pen says this firmly, tongue in cheek. Her eyes have closed again; her eyelashes are dark. Upstairs, her gesso is drying in the chalice, clumping in a way that will be difficult to thin.

Having the scotch in hand is enough right now for Pen and she doesn't yet take a sip. "And my more political meeting is nothing to do with it, Nick! The politics are there, strong as ever. They are just taken from the scaffolding which chantry houses and a historical presence lend them, so it seems ... looser, but even loose the thread's there just the same."

"There isn't a great deal of resource swiping, I'll admit."

Giametti
They have all grown up in very different ways and Ari, see, Ari is the child of Great Hermetics, who has grown up in their cloistered halls and railed against the rigidity thereof.  But she is aware, in some small and growing ways, that the rigidity is form which facilitates function.  She rebells and she needles and she eeks out exceptions but that only ever goes so far -- see, she is the child of Great Hermetics; she is steeped deeply in their ways; its dyed into her whole-cloth, like breathing. She knows no other way.

"So, cowboys and sunsets, and a small Chantry," she catalogs what they've told her, pausing to let Pen's thoughts slip through --

There isn't a great deal of resource swiping

-- "Well, at least there's that. Though I'd imagine," she says, full calm and centered, all seriousness, no bluff, "That your Deacon would put a stop to it if there were."  Because structure. Because Chantries have Deacons. Because assumptions (because Hermetic [because because]).

She takes a sip of her scotch again, holds it for a moment, swallows.  "I've a letter of introduction, of course," she says, again, off-hand, expecting that Penelope will point her in the appropriate direction for handing such things off. Usually it would have been sent ahead, but Denver being the wild west and all -- wanh wanh waaaaanhhh, and all -- she'd hand carried it instead.

Hyde
Nick listens to Pen's thoughts, processes them, and then he nods, and this could be an agree-to-disagree thing or it could be a weighted consideration of what he has observed so far.  Smaller chantries: the politics just feel more like closeness, the human relationships more palpable in some ways.

"I think there are enough resources to go around here, which is part of it," Nick says, and his voice is quiet, and there's some gravity here which -

Well, nevermind.

Ari mentions their deacon, and there is this way Nick's glance cuts over to her, and it is sharply humorous, and he says, "I was actually told that there isn't a deacon here.  I don't even think there's a council."  A beat.  "You could probably tack the letter of introduction to the corkboard that's up in the chantry hall, though."

Giametti
[Subterfuge:  This laissez faire political system does not surprise me in the least]

Dice: 7 d10 TN6 (5, 7, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10) ( success x 6 )

Hyde
[Are you sure about that?]

Dice: 8 d10 TN6 (2, 3, 5, 7, 7, 7, 8, 9) ( success x 5 ) [Doubling Tens]

Giametti
[Yes, dearheart. I am well and truely sure.  Also, Lysander adored me -- when he wasn't busy hating me. *curtseys* ]


Mars
[But fine, how close do I come to seeing through your tricksy Unseelie face, Ari?!]

Dice: 5 d10 TN6 (4, 6, 7, 7, 8) ( success x 4 )

Giametti
There is this way that Nick's glance cuts over to her, to Ari, who has Penelope lounging in her lap; Ari, who has the slightly touch of red beside her mouth, burning, no doubt, thanks to the danger-popcorn that he has crafted.  Ari, who has traveled many leagues today, and come from stranger places than most men might dream.  He looks at her like that, and tells her that there is no deacon, and not even the basic political unit (a Council) and she...

... considers this for a singular moment, rolling the thought around in her head as if she were spreading her scotch across her palate.

"Oh," she says, hanging the single syllable out there in the comfortable warmth of their living room.  It's bell like, tonal; it probably also should be transcribed on a musical stave, like Penelope's wanhh waaanh waaaaanh.  But this sound, which is so often a precursor (warning) to a more vibrantly eloquent opinion, hangs and then passes.

"Okay then."  This sounds more sorted.  Ari tips her scotch to one corner of her glass, stares at the firelight streaming through in.  Shrugs once.

"But no corkboards." She cuts a look back, grin flashing; untroubled.  "Even I won't publish my credentials with stick pins -- it's so vulgar..."

Mars
"But Arianna, stick pins are merely miniature staves, with a very long and storeyed past; can you truly deny the mythic antecedents of the stick pin? When they're not miniature staves, they are miniature swords, the very needling handmaidens and pages of the Air and of Intellect. For shame, that you should malign their use as a means to communicate your credentials, for shame!"

There is a thoughtful pause from Pen, in which she (languorous, see) lets her hand hover over the popcorn bowl, quite as if she is going to pick up a great handful. Instead she is finicky, only liberates one popped kernel; regards it with criticism, as if it failed to live up to her desire for fluffiness (it does) and offers it instead first to Nicholas and then to Arianna. Hand hovers again, searching for that perfect pop.

"Ari? Are you looking forward to the adventure of being far, far from the East coast, and other halls hallowed by ages of experience?"

(Earnest.)

Hyde
Pen offers Nick the failed kernel of popcorn, which he takes from her and pops into his own mouth.  There is this amused lilt to his eyebrows as he watches her quest for a piece that meets her expectations, something with a perfectly round and fluffy crown without the pits or dents carved into it by melted butter.  She has an entire bowl; perhaps she'll find it.

In the meantime, he will happily eat the castoffs.

He is quiet as Pen and Ari share this exchange, these questions.  Still entirely content.  He has pulled one of Pen's feet into his lap and has cupped his hands around her cold toes to lend warmth to them, still as a glowing cinder, his hair dark as the ash that has already begun to pile up beneath the logs.

Giametti
Nick is quiet, perhaps because he knows what follows.  Her eyes are bright and filled with mischeif; the counterbalance to Pen's languid lady-of-the-lake allure.

To Pen, then: "Oh, so you defend the pins and not the cork? When cork is derived from the steadfast trees, if pins be the handmaidens of Air and Intellect, then cork must be taken as a hallmark of the Earth itself -- and pentacles and therefore coins, as circles are the coin of the realm and Circles, Pen, Circles are the beginning and the ending of everything that matters.  You've taken sides; it's plain to see.  Tell me, whatever has ever been done to you by trees?"

They can go on like this for hours, likely often have and often will.  This doesn't answer Penelope's earnest question, doesn't even touch on it.  Arianna reaches past Pen to capture a small handful of popcorn.  It is well and truly possible that the perfectly popped kernel resides in the crush of that handful she's taken.  Unappreciated.  Unmarked.  Too bad! They all go to their fate at once, into the maw of the gaping Ari-beast. Perfection is no match for hungry, hungry Hermetics.

Mars
"They gave my dear friend Arianna an excuse not to answer my more important question, the one less flippantly spoken," Pen says, still earnest. One cannot dissuade her just with poetry.

This is a lie. One can often dissuade Pen, set her on some other track, with judicious use of metaphor and nonsense; she likes high language so much!

She buries her hand in the popcorn bowl because perhaps she'll find the perfect kernel toward the bottom; comes up with a handful she lets scatter along the surface, and then - this one? Nope; another cast-off for Nick. This one? Her nose wrinkles, but she deigns to pop it in her mouth. Sucks the fluff out of the popcorn before swallowing, and then -

Then a sip of scotch, the better to look at Arianna beguilingly up from under her eyelashes. Quite an accomplishment, given that she is in Arianna's lap! In two laps at once: it is good to be Penelope, human bridge and threshold.

Hyde
There is this point during which the Hermetics talk about mythic antecedents of the stick pin, and coin of the realm and Circles and Nick cannot begin to fathom what the fuck they are talking about.  That's all right: he's good natured, Nick, and he's entirely used to not always understanding Hermetics when they go on about mythic signs and symbols.  He has his own mythic signs and symbols to get lost in.

He takes more kernels of popcorn and eats them one by one, watching the other two with this earnest expression.  The poetry, he appreciates.

"Have you ever lived outside the east coast, Ari?"  He has always gotten the impression that she has not: still, Nick has now crossed the continent twice, and he finds this a little hard to imagine.

Giametti
"In truth, that wasn't the forest's fault," Arianna cautions.  So Pen is not to be dissuaded, tonight, or Ari was not clever enough on her verbal toes tonight.  So she answers, in sort, in a sort of earnest half-way:

"I am always looking forward to adventure," and this is true, a ready conspirator she has always been.  "Doubly, no!, triply so when it comes with you, two."

There. Beguilingly has been answered.  And to seal it as such she presses the tip of one finger eversogently against the tip of Pen's nose.

Nick's question, then, is mulled a little more carefully, as if it is translated first to a foreign tongue and answered and then translated back again.

"Ah, yes.  But I think not quite as you're asking," she answers.  Arianna sips at her scotch again, thoughtfully.  It takes a moment to organize her thoughts.

"The East Coast is the only place I've lived outside of living in a Chantry." Ho hum. No, that's not a strange thing to say at all. Arianna is studious in her carefully nonchalant unmeeting of eyes after this.

Hyde
Arianna is studiously nonchalant; Nicholas is only curious.  He has his scotch glass raised to his mouth, and he is taking a slow swallow from it, then another.  It does nothing to quench the burn of the popcorn Pen has been handing him all this while.

"We'll have to show you around Denver, then," he says, because Nick has already made several forays out into the wilds beyond the city.  For another, soon, he will be accompanied by one of the Verbena, and he will marvel at how foreign the rock swept landscape and the cliffs and boulders feel to him after years on the coast.

"Which chantry did you live in?  Not the one in Boston?"

Mars
Pen looks pensive, pen sieve, a sieve to catch ink-chained words, Words, a sieve to sift stars from ink dark eyes from ink black hair black is the color of my true love's, and so Pen looks pensive. Just the sort of answer she wants from Arianna; Arianna, ready for Adventure. Arianna, who Pen admires and does indeed look up to (Robin always disagreed but Robin disagreed out of spite with everything, or so Pen would say). This smoulder warmth begins to seep into the pensive, spreading just like the burn when she takes a (big) mouthful of scotch and lets it go down slow; it puts a dragon in her chest, the dragon is made of smoke and fire and it spreads its wings and spreads its wings, and then it burnishes her thoughts and when she closes her eyes (content [but never satisfied]) burnishes the backs of her eyelids and her toes curl in Nick's hand or lap and she doesn't say a thing though she does lower her standards enough to pick another popcorn kernel out of the mess and drop it into her mouth from high above once the scotch has burned away and nope no choking not this time. Listens for now, that's all.

Giametti
She captures the corner of her mouth with her teeth and worries it a bit.  There is a bit of delicacy to his question, whether Nick knows it or not.  This is a question she has clever and artful dodges for, when she is asked within the formal company of the Order of Hermes -- but Nick is neither a fellow of the Order, nor is he particularly subject to feints and ripostes.

"How much do you know about the losses we suffered in the War?" she asks, and looks to Nick for the shape of his answer.  It is enough to raise an eyebrow, or tilt his head -- this is not a specific thing she's asking for, just the magnitude of its weight and measure.  "I lived in Italy when I was young -- the Chantry there stands; it is one of the few."

"And when I say Chantry, I do not mean a stylish manse or repurposed community center.  Bigger, even, than Boston.  It's more like a University, or a small town -- a whole community built up around this central authority.  A fortress, sometimes; a cathedral others.  And everyone is Hermetic, from a mixture of Houses.  It's all very formal, and strictured," she breathes out a little.  It's burdened.  She does not share why.

"There will be more of them again," she shares, strangely sure of this somehow.  "Maybe not here, but over in Europe.  Here is it harder -- there are fewer derelict castles to scoop up off repossession."  She's kidding -- surely, she's kidding.

Hyde
[Ari, are you for real?]

Dice: 8 d10 TN6 (2, 3, 3, 6, 9, 9, 10, 10) ( success x 7 ) [Doubling Tens]

Giametti
Strangely, yes, Ari is 'for real.' There is no hint of trickery to her boastful and wild imaginings.  In fact, they are so sincere that it is unlikely even Ari could steep herself this completely in lies.

Additionally, there is a muddled sense of nostalgia and anxiety about her time in Chantries.  She is hopeful when she tells them that there will be others again, and soon. Certain in a way that speaks to some insider knowledge.  But she is also strangely and seriously concerned by it, as if something hangs above her head.

It may occur to Nick that Ari has said very little about her family to them, in all the years they've known each other.  There is something weighty and disconcerting hidden there -- and hiding now just beneath the surface of her smile.  It is obligation, and a sense of never measuring up sure or strong enough to expectations.

So yes -- these fanciful Chantries are real and yes -- she's been more than a casual party therin.  There's something beautiful about building back the Order; and something sad in knowing her place within it.

Hyde
The losses suffered in the War: Nick has heard tell, and he has read, and in a way these sorts of losses carry stronger spiritual signatures than the physical world itself bears.  He does not answer her, because he senses that she has more to say, that this is a leading question, and so Nick raises his eyebrows in response and allows her to carry on.  A sort of: I do not know, but perhaps you'll tell me.

And it is clear as Ari tells them about where she grew up that Nick is trying not to be impressed, and yet he is impressed.  See, there's this way in which his eyes fix on her, in which he hangs on her words and tries to imagine that sort of life, and the buried secrets and stories he'd find in a fortress-cathedral-chantry.  "Derelict...castles?  People in the Order just buy them?"

Then: there is a little shift in his expression to something almost suspicious.  He looks for the little tells, the shifting eyes or the little movements that might give her away: but none of these.  Either Ari has become a better liar in the past few months, or she is not in fact shitting him.  And whatever he sees in Ari then shifts his demeanor ever so slightly.  "It must be pretty amazing to see one of them be reclaimed that way, and turned into something new."

Mars
Let's not put to fine a point on it:

Pen was wildly jealous when she learned that places (magic places, of learning and wonder and fucking magic all the time and the libraries and how could one not dream of places) like the one Arianna grew up within existed, and somebody (somebodies) she knew had not only been there but belonged there.

Pen is not wildly jealous any longer, has not been for some years, but the thought of such a bastion still dredges wistfulness from her; it seeps up, wells clear-tumbled water from a spring under moonlight the sort of secret well fairy ladies would bathe their feet in pilgrims would travel far to find.

Another sip of scotch, judicious.

And then a popcorn kernel, added to the scotch.

She holds the glass up to watch the kernel drown from the bottom.

Giametti
"Not people in the Order, so much as the Order through proxies which may happen to be people,"  Ari explains.  This probably sounds just as ludicrous to Nick but Ari could, and doesn't, remind him that this country has declared that Corporations are People... why not the Order, then?

"The Fortunae are very, very good with money," she cedes, with a little shrug.  "And it is. It's good to see the past brought forward; and the strongholds we have lost renewed.  Someday, maybe, they will be havens and academies in their own right."

"I wish you two had had a chance to study at one.  The Libraries," she says, waxing wistful and longing.  "I only have leave to bring a tiny one of my own here, which is -- it pales in comparison; doesn't even rise to paling, really." Rue.  "But the Libraries alone are almost worth the rest of it."

She breathes out a little, pushing away the wistfulness and replacing it with a borrowed sense of surety.  (And this confidence, good sir Nicholas, this is most certainly bordering on lying [to herself]).

"Someday, when I have standing befitting my family names, I'll bring you two myself."  This warrants a deeper pull from her scotch.  Which is dwindling.

Hyde
Libraries are a sensitive topic around here.  Nicholas takes a long swallow of his scotch, meeting Ari's eyes over the rim of the glass; he is interested, and wondering, and perhaps even a little full of wonder at the thought of an academy like the one she is describing.

He is also certain he would not fit there.  He does not say so.  Perhaps this conversation makes him think of another one, a long time ago, very different in tone and scope.

"When you're ready to bring us," and certainty in his tone here, because he is confident that Ari will have anything she wants, "I would like to go and see it."  A beat.  "Why doesn't the Order do anything like that here?  I mean, the lack of castles aside."

Mars
Pen breaks in with: "Perhaps it does, and is, Nick. America is funny-strange, all those dying towns and secret roadside attractions; all those Mystery houses," somewhat archly. Like many New Englanders, she is burdened with an overabundance of patriotism. Like many Hermetics, she has learned how to be proud. "I just know there must be something going on, if not now then years and years ago, with the Denver airport; it has gargoyles. Did you see the gargoyles, Ari?"



Giametti
"I did see them.  And the demon horse.  This is a strange city you've found us, Pen," Ari says, making no objections to the mystery houses and dying towns.

"If the Order isn't building strongholds here, then maybe we should start one of our own," she hazards, and this is the sort of idle boast made when one is tired, and when one's mind is filled with far off and long ago things -- and also troubled by the lack of Deacons and Councils and anything that passes as a familiar fixture in the landscape.

"This whole city's like a threshold, bent between the plains and mountains and the sky -- there's got to be a ley line somewhere."

And so it goes.  Idle talk like this and that.  Hermetic poeticisms and plainer facts.  The blending and re-telling of the threads of their friendship until Ari has to set her glass aside. Until, later yet, she tips her head into her hand and the warm weight of Pen in her lap draws heavy the lids of her eyes.  Until it is time to make excuses and head for bed -- but not before each friend is well and truly hugged again.  Because the things that divide and differentiate them have nothing on the things that bind them; of this, at least, Ari is sure and certain.

Attachment

Nick
Neither Andrés nor Nick are overly familiar with the layout of downtown Denver yet, so when Andrés picked a bar for them to go to, it happened to be a purely random occurrence.  One could get the impression that this is how the Etherite does most things.  When Pen pulls up outside, there are people wandering up and down the sidewalks; it is a Thursday night, a thirsty night for a lot of people, and outside the bar there are glass lights strung up.

The bar itself is fairly nondescript, as far as bars go.  Brick.  Solid.  You know: a bar.  Nick is waiting outside, near his car in the parking lot.  He is swaying a little, shifting his weight from foot to foot as he waits.  It's gotten cold but his jacket is draped over his arm; he's still in the dark grey wool dress pants, white shirt (thankfully unsoiled) and light brown belt that he wore to work.  His head twists around occasionally to observe stars, or people in windows, or passersby; given that this is something Nick does all the time, it is not necessarily an indication of how drunk or not drunk he is.

Pen
Pen spends her days doing who knows what. One of those who knows what things has resulted in this elderly black man with silver threading his beard and hair dropping her off outside the bar Nicholas is at. Hopefully, it is the right bar! They have a brief conversation, but Pen knows this is right; she can surely feel the familiar wash of hallowed, sacrosanct, reverence, and her eyesight always was particularly sharp. There he is; her ride takes off and she, casting a watchful glance around the parking lot, cuts straight toward Nick.

"If it isn't Nicholas, as I throw a shadow and devour air!" she says, when she is near enough. Penelope Mars for 'hey, dear.'

Nick
He lacks her poetry, but sometimes will mirror her sentence structure.  "If it isn't Penelope, as I...fuck."  Hand goes to to the temple. Nick turns to face her, and he is not so drunk that he is unsteady on his feet, but there is a flush there in his cheeks and a languor to his limbs that suggests that asking her to come get him was the right call.

He smiles at her for what is probably a moment or two too long.  Then, "I am so glad to see you.  I tried to keep up with Andrés and it was the worst idea I have ever had, Pen."

Pen
"No it's not," Pen states, with the easy confidence of someone who can think of two or three or five worst ideas Nicholas has had. "It cannot be; not the worst." She has reached him now, has one hand slipped in the back pocket of her pants, the other finds a lock of Nicholas's hair and flicks it, pausing so the backs of her fingers can linger on his brow. Darling man. "Did Andrés make it home or is he passed out somewhere inside? Give me your keys."

Nick
Pen steps closer to him and he grins, the sort of wide flash of teeth that is something of a foreigner to his face.  He steps closer too, closes the gap between them very quickly, and his embrace is tight and accompanied by the sort of rocking off-balance motion she'll use with Ari the next night.  He's glad to see her; relieved even.  "He said," Nick says against her shoulder, "that he was going to drink more and he had some sort of magick - no no, he was very insistent on Science - science pill that he was going to use."

Nick's keys are in his coat pocket; his coat is draped over his arm, which is around Pen.  He fumbles for the keys.  It takes a long time, and after a moment he pulls away so he can reach around for them and, finally, hand them to her.

Pen
Pen makes a sound; a still born surprised (amused [burnished]) hello! for how quick and tight and rocking off-balance Nicholas's embrace is. She takes her hand from her back pocket to wrap her arm around him, too, though it is more his shoulders and then that hand up from his shoulderblade to the back of his neck. "I'm glad to see you, Nickolai.

"How unimaginative and tasteless a 'science pill' sounds," Pen says, and okay: there is a ripple of laughter in her voice, if not in her expression. While he is fumbling, but before he has pulled back to actually find his keys, Pen says, "Was he disparaging of magick then; did you play a drinking game?"

She is about to help him find the keys - she can feel the weight of them when the coat bumps against her - when Nick digs around and finally hands them to her anyway. She unlocks the car, beep beep. Or locks it again if it were left unlocked to begin with.

Nick
"He got very offended when I implied he did magick," Nick says, and the wrinkling of his nose implies that he feels very similarly about 'science pills.'  Her question, Nick takes a moment to answer.  He is pulling his coat back on (of course now that they are getting in the car and he will no longer be outside in the chill.)

The car unlocks with a chirp, and Nick opens the door and flops down in the seat, largely without ceremony.  As he fumbles for his seatbelt he says, "It wasn't a drinking game.  He asked...why I went into end-of-life counseling, and he was hitting it pretty hard, you know, tequila with every beer.  'S one of those questions people don't ask me without purpose.  We just talked a lot.  Then I had tequila and it tasted like middle school and regret, and he told me to go home."

Pen
"You're drinking moisture distilled from used grave when you drink tequila," Pen says, solemnly. "Where do you think the worm comes from?" And then - she hasn't yet gotten into the car, hesitating outside to cast a look back toward the bar. "Is he all right? Should I go in and try to get him to come home with us?"

Pen
ooc: ahem, from a used grave, that is

Nick
"What?  Is that real?"  In response to what she says about a used grave.  The look he gives her is disbelieving, perhaps even a little suspicious: this is the kind of thing he would make up to tease Pen.  "I tried to get him to come home with us already.  He said no."  A beat.  "I think he's okay, kind of.  Just..."

Nick sighs and knots his fingers in his hair at the back.  "We talked about Eloise some.  Hinata.  I think it was on his mind anyway."  Beat.  "I think he is as okay as he wants to be right now.  Can be.  Anyway, he told me to go home."

Pen
"Oh." Long pause; Pen is still debating whether or not she is going to go in and drag Andrés out.

For whatever reason, she decides not to go inside. But it takes a moment, maybe two. Three. Instead, she gets into the driver's seat, shuts the door (slam! enthusiasm!), and starts the engine.

"Hey, Nick. I forget. Did Andrés tell you to go somewhere?" The air of absolute innocence is complete.

Nick
It's complete, and Nick misses it, or at the very least takes it at face value.  He is slumped back in the passenger seat, boneless, his chin and jaw disappearing into the collar of his coat, leaving his nose and eyes (and hair, lots of hair) the main things that're visible.  "He said 'go home to your wife before you get drunk under the table' and then told me he was going to use the terrible science pill."

A beat.  "I said that already.  Didn't I say that already?"

Pen
"No." Pen flips on the heat, holds her fingers in front of it for a moment, and then: all the usual hazards of a bar parking lot apply. Drunk people. Making out people. Belligerent people, in groups. Groups of smokers who just won't fucking move.

"Are you okay?"

Nick
Steering out of the parking lot, and down the rather crowded street, is like something of an obstacle course where the price for misstep is a lot of insurance payments and a possible felony.  Still: Pen is Flambeau, brave at heart and steely of nerve.

"I'm okay," Nick says; and he does seem to be.  Somber, perhaps, or at least moreso than he was moments before, but it's a somber topic.  "I just...you know.  I was worried about him.  Sad for him.  And it makes you think what it would be like."

Pen
"'meet me

where the sun goes down

meet me

in the cave, under the battle ground

meet me

as my lover, as my only friend

meet me

on the river bed.'" Pen is quoting, and it isn't idle. Pen does things with languor, sometimes, or seems to affect languor; she does not allow herself idleness. "I keep wanting to ... say something to him about Eloise, but it never seems to be the right moment, or even the right moment to push through. I'm glad he talked to you about her. She was cool."

"And it won't be like anything for you and me; we will perish together like reason and logic, or dream and sleep, or whipped cream and hot chocolate!"

Nick
Nick is quiet as she quotes; he is looking in the opposite direction, at the world moving by out the window.  Pen says she keeps wanting to say something, and Nick looks back at her, still thoughtful even if his thoughts are slowed at the moment.  "I just told him that I knew.  He mentioned her a few times and it didn't feel right to go on pretending that I didn't know.  He keeps himself busy, I think, because he thinks no one will notice that..."

Nick trails off, because this all speaks for itself, and anyway he has forgotten what he was originally going to say.  But Pen: she says like reason and logic, or dream and sleep, and he smiles.  "That's the only way I would want it to be."

Pen
"There is no reason at all your want should not be translated into reality, when the time comes," Pen says, not without a pang of conscience. Pen assumes, has perhaps always assumed, that she will die before Nicholas. She shouldn't assume that. He is Euthanatos. Chakravanti. Whatever they're calling themselves now, Horace Lysander switched between the two names, and as a Disparate Pen ran into those who called themselves either

Nick
Nicholas: he hasn't made this assumption.  He is Chakravanti, and even though his day-to-day Work is often the bloodless kind, a part of him is aware of how many of his Traditionmates are frequently dispatched by their own.  "If something happened to me," he says finally, "I would...I don't know.  I mean I would want you to do whatever you wanted, without consideration for what I would want."

He is not expressing himself eloquently, not with this and not while drunk; still, he tugs at his lower lip in thought.

Pen
Pen is silent for a moment. Her grip on the steering wheel has tightened, and she has not meant it to tighten. Squeeze, and then relax. Turn. Hit a red light; idle. Pen is never idle. "When something happens to me, I want to become a constellation everybody knows; make sure you see to it, hmm? But I won't be one of those constellations nobody can find. I want to be more clear to a pack of Girl Scouts than is Orion's starry belt."

Brief pause. "Nicholas." Longer pause.

Nick
Pen tells him what she wants, and Nick smiles again.  It's touched with wistfulness.  These are conversations Nick is always immersed in: what do you want to happen to you after you die.  What do you want for your family.  What haven't you done, what would you like to do.  That does not make it easier when the conversation is personal.

He is quiet for a moment, again, and perhaps he is thinking about what he wants: what he would have to do to keep this life from burdening his next.  Whether that is even possible.  Then Pen says his name, and he looks back over at her.  "Yes?"

Pen
"I think - "

Beat. Pen's eyes flick toward Nicholas, then back to the road. A daring driver, Pen, even now with this conversation; but she keeps her eyes on the road.

"Every grief is its own grief. We aren't grieving yet; there's no reason to borrow what the future will give us willingly. Unless, perhaps, to feel the present more keenly - right? I will be desolated when you are dead;" there is ferocity, here, but it is tempered ferocity; the metal has already been beaten into a killing shape. "Knowing some aspect of you will continue on will not be a comfort to me, because you might not be mine then and you are mine now and I want you to be always mine. Hubris, whatever."

"I love you now. I am happy that I get to love you now." Her mouth curls. "I will love you even when I am stars; even if I become a rock. And that isn't important; that I can kiss you right now, if I wanted to, is. Whatever happens, it will all continue."

"What do you want?"

Nick
He listens, and there is a muscle at the hinge of his jaw which tightens, which springs into sharp relief; in the half light emitted by the car's console and passing street lights he looks as though he were rough hewn from stone (marble, perhaps.)  There are things that she says that he knows: he might've said, earlier, we're not dead yet.  He did not.

"I want to stop worrying about what the right thing is," he says, and stops, because wanting a negative: it's not the same as wanting.  He reminds other people of this.  "I want you, for as long as I have you.  I want you after that.  I want to know, for the sake of knowing.  I want every experience this world and the one past it has to offer me.  I want to not care about consequences."  He has been thinking about this: the words have yet to be polished, but they're there.

Pen
Pen squeezes Nicholas's knee (hard), pats his thigh, uses that hand to dramatically compass the dark street before them. "Then pick a direction - I'll drive us that way until we reach something lovely." Flop of hand back to steering wheel; shit, shit shit shit that is about to turn red: zoom!

"We can get tacos first. Are there any taco places open? I want tacos."

Her voice is deeply musing.

Nick
He has drawn in a deep breath; his words had been rapid, pressured, and when he lays his hand over hers she can feel some tension there beneath his skin.  He doesn't smile at what she says, not yet; words have weight, and sometimes their materialization is jarring.

He looks at her sidelong when she says she wants tacos, and here he does smile.  Nick went straight from work to the bar with Andrés: it's part of why the alcohol hit him so heavily. "There are always taco places open out here."  He points.  "There's a truck that hangs out down that way by one of the bars."

Nick's hand has wound into the hair at the back of his head again; perhaps they speed through another red light.  "One of the reasons I wanted to marry you was that I loved you, and I felt like a hundred people told me it was a terrible idea," beat, a thought, "and I wanted to do it anyway.  I don't want it to end, this," and he gestures, something vague enough to imply that he does not simply mean the vow itself.  "And sometimes I think I shouldn't hold so tightly to it, that attachment is going to hold me back.  And then I think I don't care."

He sinks into silence then, but only for a moment.  "I want tacos too."

Pen
Pen tosses her head (hair), the haughty gesture unaffected and unconscious, at the specter of those who told Nicholas their marriage was a terrible idea. Those people (Vivienne) can just be invited to their Golden Wedding Anniversary and choke on whatever delightful food is served, no, conjured, because they'll both be Archmages by then. Jerks.

Pen doesn't stop at the taco truck which lurks outside bars, sustenance for the cheap. The course she sets is: well, how is he to know what the course is? He isn't familiar with this area yet, and his thoughts are slow besides.

Silence, for a moment. And then, "I don't want you to be a hungry ghost."

Her lips stay parted, but silence.

And then, quick, quiet but definitive, "And I don't understand how... attachment can hold anybody back."

Nick
Hungry ghosts: Nick has spoken with them before.  Much of his work in fact centers around preventing their existence, insofar as he can; and perhaps it never occurred to him that this was a fate that was possible for him to have.  He is not unhappy, and perhaps therein lies some of his struggle to move forward.  There is this quizzical look to Pen, and he says, "I've lived well.  I don't think I would be hungry."

Pen's course he doesn't pretend to guess at, but he is relaxed in his seat, loose-limbed in the way of the moderately drunk.  "Attachment forces us to hold on to the way things are, and closes us to the possibility of the way things could be," he says, and his voice is quiet.  This is a Chakravanti teaching: it is also an Akashic teaching.

"It also means you might put some things before the Vrata.  I...I've never considered that a bad thing, though."  In fact, this may have saved him twice.

Pen
Drive, drive drive drive drive drive. There is a shadow on Pen's brow, or in her eyes, but her eyes are on the road and the shadow is - well, it is dark; they are driving through a winter's night toward tacos. Drive drive drive.

Nick
In most cases, Nick would not be pressed into filling a silence.  He is well aware of the use of silence and pauses in conversation as a tool: they make others uneasy, and they give nothing away, and most people find them awkward and will blather on given enough space.  He does it now though.  His inhibitions are lowered, and he shares far more with Pen than he is inclined to share with most others to begin with.

"They told me before I was initiated that...having people in my life was going to be difficult, because people wouldn't understand.  I mean," beat, "I've killed people.  A lot at this point.  They tell you it's not going to be easy, and that you're not going to be happy, and this implicit assumption is that it's easier to not have to make the choice.  To disconnect because the alternative is so much more painful.  Like...Pen, even just with you, or if we ever have kids, I don't ever want to have to make a hard choice.  Some would just...choose to not have to choose."

He has Traditionmates that do not do this, and they are not necessarily the exception-not-rule, but the ones that detach from human connection even before the Quiet, or who continually struggle with it: they're not rare.  "I wonder at what point we become so obsessive about the Vrata that it keeps us in place.  I don't want that."

Pen
Nicholas begins to speak. Pen flicks him a quick look; the shadow on her brow is also in her eyes, their clear gray troubled - see - as the surface of a shadow radiant lake is troubled by the leading edge of rain, or maybe a wind. The scudding of clouds across the moon. The look is quick; eyes on the road, Mercury. I've killed people, he says, and her mouth is set. She straightens alertly; takes a turn. Her breathing is a very steady thing, until a longer inhale (some would just choose to not have to choose), and a hold.

He doesn't want that. Pen doesn't say anything immediately again, but her silence is different this time. Before, it was the troubled silence of someone who was absorbed trying to find the right words. Now it's just a decisive silence; gotta get to this point.

It's also blessedly brief. Pen is pulling into a parking lot now. There is a seedy looking taqueria. She kills the engine and if Nicholas begins to unbuckle reaches over to hold him in place.

"They told you; they told you. Do you believe it?"

Nick
They pull up to the taqueria, and Nick on some level has absorbed Pen's silence.  There are several hurdles his thoughts must jump past now to make it to the level of conscious understanding, and so his stomach, the taut lines of his hands, they understand that her silence is a troubled thing before it has reached his neocortex.  On some level perhaps he expects this, that when he talks about these things it will disturb others, that they won't find the words, and so after a certain point he does not feel the need to talk any longer.

The car rolls to a stop, and Nick goes to unbuckle his seatbelt.  Pen's hand there against the thick wool padding of his coat holds him in place, and the look he gives her is one of surprise, and the moonlight and shadow lends his eyes their own mystery.

She asks him this, and he sighs.  "Coming back last year was...it was really hard, Pen."  Pen knows; she was there.  "But I don't believe what they have told me is how it has to be.  I just don't know what...anything other than that looks like."  A beat.  "I mean I feel like I even spent so much time when I was younger trying to be someone other than who I was before, like she's overshadowed me this whole time, that I can't even look to that.  That's what they tell you to look to, is your past experience.  But I'm...that person and also not.  I want to believe that what I want is important, and matters, and is more than just something I need to overcome."

Pen
The car is not spacious, but it is warm (right now), cold dark all around it. Pen unbuckles her seatbelt and turns in her seat to face Nick. She keeps her hand upon him as she listens, intent as a flame on a wick, to keep him (selfishness).

"What you..." Her shoulders curve inward when she exhales like this. "I..."

It is rare for Pen to have difficulty with words; the right ones, the ones she needs in order to say what she wants to say. Pen is eloquent. That is one of the reasons the Order of Hermes sought her out, wrote her love letters, wooed her; because she could speak well of things she was passionate about.

"For myself, I have never thought of attachment as something to hold us in place. I am attached to you; I am happy with you; it does not make me want to stay. I still want to act, do, become, move forward; I just want to do it with you. I want you to act, do, become, move forward; with me. I'm not attached to a moment - " a pause; a smile, private memory of some shared sweetness perhaps. "No, that is a lie; I am attached to many moments." The smile fades. "But I am more attached to - "

"Argh, I don't know what word to use. I hate that. I hate it. I hope you don't - "

"Listen, love. Wanting is important. What you want to be, isn't that how you move in the world? And isn't it important to move in the world? To move the world, if you can? How can you leave the world better if you cut yourself off from any portion of it that is your portion of it? It's insensate; it's insensible."

These aren't idle questions. Penelope asks them carefully.

Nick
Nick doesn't shift away from her hand, hasn't yet gone to unbuckle his seatbelt.  There is a sort of acceptance in the stillness of his limbs, in the way he is not trying to leave and shows no sense of urgency to do so.  His relationship with Pen has always been: Nick wants Pen to know him as well as he knows her, and perhaps he expressed it in exactly these words, once long ago.

She struggles with her words, and concern has softened his expression, the muscles around his eyes.  He does not rush her.

The way his eyes slant to the side and unfocus suggests that perhaps Nicholas does not have an answer to her questions, except that "You're right.  I think I..."  His brow furrows, at this thought that has suddenly occurred, an untangling.  "I keep wanting to make sure that when I change, it's in the right way.  And there's no...no risk in that."

He hesitates to say this, and the look that he gives her when he meets her eyes is somewhat abashed.  "You're braver than me."  He states this as fact, and  to ensure it's heard as explanation not excuse, he adds, "I suppose it's just time to re-evaluate."

Pen
Pen's mouth crooks up. "I am a Flambeau," soft arrogance. Maybe humor, too. Or humor layered over a more settled sediment, arrogance. Pen wants to crawl onto Nick: wants to straddle him and talk to him that way, face to face.

So she does. Didn't she just get done saying how what you want is important? Want is another way to say 'Will.' Because she does not want him to feel trapped, considering the next question she is going to ask, she does not rest the whole of her weight on him; is readied, you see, to move.

"Would you keep yourself as quiet as the center of a stone instead of talking to me about something, because you thought I wouldn't understand it? About death, I mean, or killing, or..."

At a loss. She still doesn't have the right words.

Nick
Pen crawls onto him, and there is no indication either in his expression or in the unspoken language of of his physical shape and form that indicates that he feels trapped.  He wraps an arm around her, not quite pulling her closer but holding her in place, in a way that might allow her to settle more of her weight on him.  It is not a large car, and so Pen probably has to lean down, and in a way that makes this feel more private to him, shuts out the rest of the world for a few moments.

She is still struggling with her words, and Nick has allowed the back of his head to fall against his headrest so that he can look up at her.  His eyes search, but they don't need to; even without the right words she's eloquent.

"Not because I thought you wouldn't understand it, Pen," he says, and his voice is a quiet thing; it can be, in here, and still be perfectly heard.  "It's because I don't want you to have to."  His eyes had wandered somewhere nonspecific, her collarbone or her shoulder or somewhere just past her, and now he brings them to bear again, meets her eyes.  "But I suppose I can't make that decision for you."

Pen
Pen is thinking hard. Because he does not seem to feel trapped, she does settle. The front seat of a car is not a comfortable place to do this, but she is either practiced or cares not, and she looks down at Nicholas with solemnity.

Nick. Nicholas. Nickolai-o-lay, who is quiet and considered, whose skin is warm and who smells sharp of tequila and who often has an air of reserve which makes one suspect that he (hallowed be his name [reverenced be his bones] and haloed be his crown) is not quite here. Even now, he is looking just beyond her, or at her shoulder, or at her collar bone, as he conjures up an answer. When he meets her eyes -

"You can," she says, fierce; the ferocity flickers, shading into something vulnerable in that it is open, without the defense ferocity offers: "But will you?"

Nick
But will he.  He hasn't looked away, even through the ferocity, even through the vulnerability that leaves him feeling vulnerable himself.  "No," he says, and his hand has moved up her back, settled there between her shoulderblades.  He'd like for her to be closer to him, but the car, with them face to face, is not ideal.

"I think I just got used to people not getting it when I was growing up," and old habits are hard to break.  Nick sighs, and again that sharp smell of tequila, and his breath wavers a little at the end as though his body is having a hard time giving it up.  "When I'm talking about having killed people, it's not like...what soldiers do.  The Wheel stagnates when a lot of people die in one place, at once, so we go there.  Sometimes it's just...there are a lot of people dead and dying, right?  And not enough doctors, or people with sufficient knowledge of Life, and ending it is the best thing you can do for them."

A beat.  "I don't regret doing it.  But after a while it...it becomes routine.  Banal.  It doesn't even horrify you anymore."  Again, this refocusing of his gaze back on her.  "Are those the kinds of things you want to know?"

Pen
[Hmmm...... Dex + Ath.]

Dice: 5 d10 TN6 (2, 3, 4, 6, 9) ( success x 2 )

Pen
Pen can get closer. The front seat of a car is uncomfortable with only so much space and the glove compartment just there at the back, but closer is easy. Especially if one gets closer and also reaches down to let the back drop a few inches; surprise. The glove compartment: see, it can even be used as a brace. The point: Pen can get closer, so she does.

A lot of the things she has wanted in her life have worked that way.

"Of course not. But I want to know you, and what's going on in your head, and what you are feeling, what winds are assailing you, what storms there are and clear skies too; so if that is the kind of thing that - " Beat. "I want to know you."

Nick
The back of the chair drops a few inches from behind him - surprise!  It is moments like this in which it becomes clear, if it wasn't before, that Nick is not the soldier Pen is and does not exist in a state of perpetual readiness: his shock is plain on his face, and in the milliseconds after he has fallen back with her on top of him he smiles and laughs a little to himself and his gaze wanders, because he knows that was ridiculous just now, and because he is still a little drunk.

Both of his arms are around her now, holding her against him, and despite the brief diversion he has his attention on her again, on her words.  His adam's apple shifts, hard, as his voice sticks.  Then, "I want to let you know me.  I'll try to do a better job of it."

Pen
Pen buries her face in the crook of his neck and inhales. The lingering scent of tequila and winter, certainly, but Nicholas underneath that. With her face still buried, she winds her fingers into Nicholas's black black (black is the color of my true love's) hair. "I thought - " this is, perforce, muffled.

"You are doing a fine job." Beat. The longing she feels drift on up through her body, marrow-bone to muscle to skin, tail-bone to mid-spine to cheeks, then the crown of her head, is almost a visceral thing; it causes her voice to snag, begin an unravel.

Nick
Nicholas shuts his eyes, angles his head so her face isn't closed in against his neck, and there is a long exhale that she can both hear and feel in how his chest and stomach shift beneath her weight.  The fingers of one hand have found the ends of her hair, and he runs it through them; he has always liked it, the weight and color and texture which is very different from his own.

"Are you all right?"  Because they've talked about Andrés, and they've talked about Nicholas, and less so Pen, and he is always keenly aware of these things.

Pen
[Lo, an empathy roll on NICK, how d'you like that? with willpower because she cares.]

Dice: 5 d10 TN6 (1, 1, 3, 5, 6) ( success x 2 ) [WP]

Nick
Nick is pensive, at the moment.  He seems to be thinking through a lot of what Pen has said, and her questions, and there is a lot he is trying to process internally.  Also, he is concerned about her, and how the conversation might have affected her.  He wants to check in.  (She may also get the sense that he remembers they have not spoken of what Pen wants from Denver, yet.)

Pen
Pen kisses the side of Nick's neck once and again by his jaw, at his pulse point. Bumps her forehead against the edge of his cheekbone. Her thumb finds that same place after, when (Are you all right?) she draws back a little to study his face. Dante Gabriel Rossetti and J. W. Waterhouse often painted their Heroines bathed in a(n otherworldly) tarnished luster, and she often looks like a modern-day painting come to life: especially when that questioning light comes into her eyes, that care of precipices, threshold glamour. Her fingers loosen on Nick's hair, but only so her thumb can trace from his cheekbone to his eyebrow, then brush gently across the (close your eyes) edges of his eyelashes.

"Yes."

From eyelash to eyelid.

"I mean, I like this long argument that we are. I'm glad you speak to me, Nicholas Hyde. I," and there'd been longing, visceral, before - to break her voice; it left, but it comes back. This is hard. She doesn't want to say this, there's no reason she needs to say this at all, it could pass; it's barely part of the conversation, it's just a specter and she doesn't know why, "I just ... "

"I don't know why; I started thinking about Heath and me. After Dad,--"

Abrupt cease. And: "What you said about your past experiences, how you feel you can't look there because they are overshadowed by what you were trying not to be. I don't think I've told you much about Heath and Dad. After Dad that is." Pen starts speaking more quickly; restrains herself, forces slowness again by nuzzling back into Nicholas's neck and shoulder.

Nick
Pen's thumb brushes over his cheekbone, his eyelashes and eyelids, and there's a slight flutter there of one of his eyes; he does not open them just yet.  The half light lends his high cheekbones and curling hair an ethereal quality, as though he'd be glimpsed through a copse of trees at a river's edge on the night of a full moon, there and gone again.

When Pen's voice catches his eyes open again, and they stick on hers: After Dad --

There is some slight shift in his expression when she describes his past lives, because he could clarify: like his relationship with so many other things in his past, his relationship here is complicated ground, fraught with maybes.  But it doesn't linger, because there is a sort of wanting there in the way he looks at her, a concerned warmth.  "I want to know you too," he says, and as she nuzzles back in against his neck he rests his cheek against the side of her head, her hair, and settles down farther into the seat.

Pen
[Current wp, ze roll!]

Dice: 5 d10 TN6 (2, 2, 5, 6, 10) ( success x 2 )

Pen
"He wasn't attached to us at all until he was until he was gone. He loved us okay but he was always, I remember him well. He had a warm smile and he'd tease you but he'd, he was just always absent. Like he wanted to love us but he didn't want to be attached. But after he was gone, I mean dead; he was dead by that time, probably; we thought he was. I think it's retrospect which makes me think he was always absent; we felt the hole where he was really hard. Especially when it was filled up with - you've met my siblings. They took it really hard. Back then, I mean, but it often felt like there was something there in the dark. And I remember Heath and me, we stole - borrowed - our dad's baby cup, one of those old-fashioned silver ones? The only nice thing he had really. We took it and we went through his stuff until we found his belt," there's a simplicity to how she says his belt, like maybe there's another word supposed to go before 'belt' that she has edited out out of habit. He knows her childhood was hard knocks already. Of course they've touched on that before. It's this:

"Then we got a picture of all of us, not him but all of the rest of us, some beer, and we stole - really stole, not just borrowed - a lobster trap from Uncle Adam's dock, and some candles. And we snuck out of the house together at midnight - we told the kids we'd take care of things. They weren't sleeping, you know, and they were getting sick. He and I went out to that spot I took you last year. That wild one, overlooking the harbor; where I said the sea looked like like a film of stars? We went there and it was dead dark and I thought we were going to get dragged underground, somehow. I was scared, but really determined. And we did this ritual together, Heath and me, we made up a poem together to tell him to go away, and made a trail of candles from the sea up to the cliffs so he - he - could go up. Sometimes I think that was the first time I did any magick. Or maybe the second. I was so little though."

"Anyway, I just - I don't know why I began thinking of that moment. Heath and me, after Dad, on the cliffs, but you know..." and her voice goes low, burnished or burnishing.

Rather than finishing that sentence, picking it back up, she swallows and opens her eyes wide to stare at Nick's skin and master the telltale prickle of salt, the physical manifestation of this ache which has nothing to do with the longing, but has something to do with whatever gives the longing an edge. Wind's edge, sharp.

Nick
Nicholas listens.

She can't see his face, but if she could, there'd be a range of reactions as she speaks; but she can hear his breathing where she's at, quiet and slow, only slightly faster than it would be if he was asleep.  And for both of them, there are ways in which the themes of their personal stories (they are both as myth, see, look and feel like they belong in a painting or could be called out of some ancient half-forgotten tale) twine around each other but never quite meet.  And Pen is eloquent: Nick has gotten better at telling his own stories just by her example, her association.

His fingers stir on her back as she describes the way she and her brother stole her father's baby cup, slide into her hair and his fingertips find a spot at the base of her skull, where they move in slow circles.  There is a deeper intake of breath once: they made a trail of candles so he could go up.

When she finishes there is a moment of silence, and his fingertips shift and circle the spot behind her ear instead.  And then, finally, "Pen," and the muscles in his throat shift a little, work around the words, "are you afraid I'm going to do something like that to you?"

Pen
[Pen, project only what you wish to project right now.]

Dice: 4 d10 TN6 (1, 1, 3, 5) ( botch x 2 )

Pen
[Pen >.> burn the dice roller down.]

Dice: 4 d10 TN7 (5, 6, 6, 6) ( success x 1 ) [WP]

Denver
[Countermagick lollll.]

Dice: 10 d10 TN7 (1, 3, 3, 6, 7, 7, 8, 9, 9, 10) ( success x 6 )

Denver
[End meta moment.]

Pen
Pen doesn't want to move. Not with Nick's fingers doing what they're doing; not with Nick beneath her as he is and warm and alive. Even as flexible as she can be, even with the seat reclined, the space they have is narrow; she does not have much freedom of movement so it would be easy to stay as she is. Comfortable; curled. The tempo of her breathing has quickened; she shakes her head. "No. I would not have married you if I thought so. No that's a lie. Yes I would have. I would have married you even if I read the portents and they told me eventually you became some monster. I would have married you even if - " she bites her tongue, literally, to stop it.

Okay. Pen wants to answer Nicholas, looking him in the eye, self-possessed and composed and deliberate, the way those old lake-witch enchantresses were when they combed out their hair, held forth the shining swords. So she schools the salt back into the sea with a blink and presses another kiss against Nick's neck, this time closer to his collar, then (another [for luck]) his adam's apple, and she pulls back so she can look him in the eye. Like so. Place her hands on his chest like so. And say, clear-voiced -

Yeah. This is where the plan breaks down. "I didn't? I don't," and she is telling the truth. She does not believe that he will do something like that to her. However, people are complex. Her voice cracks. "It's just all these idiot men who leave because they think attachment to something is going to, is what is holding them back. My father left because of that in one way, and then Heath." He's familiar with how she cries; how it doesn't usually affect her voice at all, which stays clear, but how the tears gather bright and radiant and spill spill spill; it's happening now, and there's a stitch between her brows, quiver to the nostrils and then the corners of her mouth because she doesn't want to:

Can't keep her chest from heaving, though. "He left that other way, it was different, so what different way could it be next time?" Pen reaches up and - she won't won't won't wipe away her tears - but she buries her fingers in her own hair. Unlatched, not unhinged; leave a door open and all kinds of things get in. "Why shouldn't my best friend and lover leave too? In some other way I won't even be able to see until it is completed and all our compacts are broken."

Nick
Even if - 

And she stops, but he has the feeling he knows what she was going to say.  She can hear his throat click when he swallows, but he does not want to move either.  He does not say anything, because he knows there's more, because this is the kind of thing about which he is rarely wrong.

Pen lifts herself to look at him, and she -

Nick is familiar with how she cries.  Pen is much less familiar with how he does; even (especially) men who are as attuned as Nicholas is to others' emotions, who have abandoned much of the swagger and posturing of many other men, often have difficulty with the kind of open vulnerability Pen has now.  Nick's uncle once buzzed his head for this when he was eight, forced him to keep it cut short until well into his teenage years; maybe she's seen him in old photos, strangely bare and stark and staring expressionless into the camera in most of them.  But his eyes flick away for a moment, and long enough to choke back the river, and then back up to her.

His hands are motionless on her waist; he also does not move to wipe away her tears.  And in the rapid flutter of his eyelashes as he looks away again perhaps she can tell that there are too many things he wants to say; many of them not adequate. So instead: "I'm afraid of that too.  All of that."  Perhaps he wants to say more, but doesn't have the words, other than, "I want to be here with you, and move forward with you, more than anything.  There is nothing that's within my power to stop that would make me leave.  I promise that."

Pen
Pen digs her palms into Nicholas's chest (through heavy woolen coat, less heavy shirt beneath) and slides them upward, over his shoulders, working her fingers and splaying them behind his neck. She drops her gaze away from his; her bangs hide her face when she drops her head like that.

Deep, deep, deep breath. Then she unbuckles his seatbelt, shifting so she can do so. It slithers desultorily away. "Thank you. I know. And I worry too about ... no that's a lie as well. I don't often worry about leaving. But I should."

"It's really not fair. I didn't even have tequila."

Nick
Nick's seatbelt slides away, and if he is slow to move it's not because of the alcohol.  There's a reluctance to leave these moments behind and let them pass into memory, both of them tangled up in one another and showing themselves without fear; who knows how many anyone has.  He considers this and makes his peace in a span of seconds.

Pen's hair hides her face; Nick lifts a hand and his thumb traces the warrioress' curve of her jawline, and he doesn't move to raise himself back up just yet.  About tequila: he smiles, and it tries to be sly, but there's still too much wistfulness there in the set of his eyebrows.  "We can remedy that, you know."

Nick still does not move; he is not impatient. Though in those few moments as he waits for Pen to shift off of him, he says, "Thank you for...for telling me all of that, Pen."  He stops, considers, but it's not for long; when his eyes meet hers again there's something vulnerable in them, because when he'd told her earlier that she was braver than he was: Nick, consummate liar though he may be, did not lie about that.  "I really will try to tell you more."

Pen
Pen still does not wish to move. She is not one who can feel as she has felt one moment, and in the next be already free of it; that is not how ardor works and her mouth is a melancholy curve. She is thinking how much she likes Nicholas to touch her. He knows; she has written him poetry, explicit and oblique, has told him so. His thumb finds her skin wet; a tear drips from the end of her nose, and when she flicks a glance toward his up from under her bangs her expression has shifted. Pen is often open, even unto a fault, but this is not to say she is always clear. The color of her eyes is a tarnished luster, a metal after the radiance has begun to fall to deep long shadows - it is safe. The shadows are a sign that you (who) are there, looking. The look is this tender, knowing thing - maybe touched by wry. She cannot hold it when he thanks her; her mouth compresses; she glances briefly to the side, settling her hands on Nicholas's chest again, but brings her gaze to bear on his again.

"Yeah," she says. And there remains a somewhat melancholy cast to her mouth, though her eyes have warmed.

Then Pen leans forward and kisses Nicholas on the mouth, as if she'd like to forget about getting tacos, as if she'd kiss him until they longer had to think about what if and the future and the past and the past before the past and the future after the future. The glove compartment falls open; hits her on the tailbone and she winces.

This laugh sticks in her throat; it has no sound, just shape. Still she lingers over him, opens the door; lets the cold air in and shivers. She slams the glove compartment closed, and then gets out of the car.

"How many tacos do you want?" Now she wipes her face, glancing toward the taqueria. But only because she's going inside, where there will people. "Do you want to take them home or still go on a driving adventure?"

Nick
[Are you for real okay, Pen?  -1 because drunk.]

Dice: 8 d10 TN6 (1, 1, 6, 8, 8, 9, 10, 10) ( success x 8 ) [Doubling Tens]

Pen
[Mm?]

Dice: 4 d10 TN6 (1, 2, 5, 6) ( success x 1 )

Pen
[Give the value of 'okay,' Mr. Hyde.

Pen is still raw and emotional. It is difficult to talk about Heath, not necessarily because she cannot think about him or the grieving process stalled, but because talking about this aspect of Heath is something she has (never) done. It is crazy difficult to talk about the pattern of leaving, the what if of it ( - and here, buried really, really deep, so she probably doesn't even know she feels this way though he with his insightful astutery might see it in her expression for a second, this acceptance that she might well deserve to be left because of reasons. This doesn't really have much to do with their conversation tonight or a lack of self-esteem - it's dormant but old guilt over some thing). There are a lot of unresolved paradoxes of feeling there.

Boils down to: it's hard to talk about something she never talks about but if she's going to talk about it with anyone (and maybe there's some relief, that she has someone she can talk about it to) yayNick, and she's sad about aspects of their conversation, but she's just sad because they're sad topics. She believes Nick's promise(s), really and truly. She trusts him. She doesn't really think she has reason to doubt her own judgment on that one. Pen is seriously fucking in love with Nick. Loves him loves him loves him an active verb. Part of her wants to jump his bones. Another part wants to just curl into him and sleep. She's a bit annoyed she hasn't done either. She's concerned about him. She wants to help. There's no worry about not knowing how -- she's pretty confident she will/can. She's just not 100% sure she did right now. Maybe 95% sure. 97%.]

Nick
Pen leans forward and kisses him, and Nick is thinking again about how much he'd like to stay, how little he'd like to move: this pattern of holding on and letting go is cyclic, sometimes rapid.  He is thinking, then, about nothing at all, other than how happy he is to be right here.

Nick's laugh does not stick in his throat; Pen startles and his head drops back again and it's less of a ring just now than it is this quiet huff, this noise from the back of his throat.  He tries to wiggle, very briefly, around so he can shut the glove compartment for her, but he's reclined back and can't reach and anyway he's not at his most coordinated at the moment.

His eyes linger on Pen as she moves to open the door, as she wipes her tears away, and before he answers her he catches her wrist with one hand and pushes himself up with the other so he can kiss her again.  He doesn't hold it long (less to do with desire and more to do with his abs giving out), but this is ardent, as ardent as Nick ever is, and when he pulls back it's slower, and his hand lingers on her wrist.

He meets her eyes, and after a moment has passed he says, "I feel a lot better.  I should do this talking it out thing more often."  He says this as though it's an afterthought, though of course it isn't, and then his gaze flicks to the side out the window.  "I want more tacos than I can probably eat.  Three?  Let's go on a driving adventure."